Despite everyone hoping every morning to have a good, peaceful day, it’s not always so in reality; today, let me suggest to you about how you can calm yourself down after you get irritated or upset.
Also, I always tell people to accept all of your emotions. But, at the same time, I understand that it’s hard to find a suitable outlet for your feelings each time (and you can’t help but reach out for sweets or alcohol, etc.💦) Furthermore, some of you may still want to suppress it rather than express it.
However, when you get irritated is one of the best opportunities to nurture your soul. And that’s why I wanted to tell you how you can make that opportunity work for you; below are the steps I suggest to you.
Step 1. Put Your Emotions into Words
While being upset or disturbed, let your emotions drive put them into words.
Since you don’t need to address them to anyone, you are free from caring how to put them. It will take a shorter time when you say it out loud than you do it silently, but either way is all right. But please avoid writing them down (because writing makes you think and remember).
All you need is to allow your emotions to let out until no emotion is left (if your feelings escalated to a higher level, punch your pillow)!
Try hard to continue doing it as long as possible because irritation will come back later if you stop it before covering all the feelings. So, focus on expressing – until nothing is left – is crucial.
After some time, if you find yourself heaving a sigh, that would be a sign for you to go to the next step.
(By the way, during the process, if you’re clear about what made you bothered and got more upset with someone, then put reason in charge: sort out the things to tell the other person and share them!)
Step 2. Review Your Words
After breathing out a sigh and cooling down, it’s time to review the words coming out in the Step 1 and think what stirred up your emotions, the exact trigger of it.
In most cases, you’ll find out multiple layers of the causes of your irritations (and probably, you notice it while taking the previous step).
Cause One is the direct reason why you couldn’t put up with the situation anymore. Cause Two is there’s something that has been irritating you anyway (apart from the Cause One). And Cause Three is yourself who didn’t take any action on the Cause Two and let it be until now, and you dislike that part of yourself.
For example, while dating, your partner starting talking to another best friend on the phone is Cause One. And you’ve been worried that your partner relies more on that person than you, which is Cause Two, and lacking self-confidence as a partner is Cause Three.
Your words in such a case are:
“How come he can talk to him on the phone while dating?!”
“He had me to talk. He didn’t need him.”
“He could have talked to me…Am I not reliable or what…?”
Pay attention to the words which came out towards the end where you’ll possibly find the root cause.
Another example: the situation is that children are breaking a house rule and watching TV for hours. Cause One is irritation towards the children, but Cause two could be the fact that your partner being at home didn’t warn them watching TV for a long time. And Cause three is being unable to bring up your concerns about your partner’s involvement in child-rearing.
While looking back at your words, writing down your thoughts around them can be helpful.
Step 3. Face the Root Cause
Once you’ve gone through all the layers of causes, you must have realised that except the last one revealed in the end, nothing really matters.
At this step, to admit that the root cause (the last one) is the one you care about the most and to face it is critical. If you don’t do it, but back out, then you’ll be in similar situations once again. So, sooner is better.
And if you’ve found the Cause Three in the guilt you’ve been holding, please just let the guilt feeling go; there’s nothing good in keeping that—it’s rather harmful. Prioritise your current needs and release the old guilt then take care of the Cause two!
Step 4. Now, Everything is Up to You
Once you’ve realised what matters to you, you now have multiple options—unlike the situation in which you felt you were stuck. You decide how you’d like to reach your aim.
No one wants to get angry about something that is only seemingly significant and dislike oneself because of such things.
Prioritise what truly matters to you. If you can put your time and energy only to those, you will no longer get bothered by the rest.
I hope you’ll accept my suggestion here and follow the steps on the next occasion. And, if you start wondering about the challenges you’ve got to face at the same time as you get disturbed by something, you are closer to having peaceful days most of your time!
If you need personal help in dealing with your emotions, I am here to help you with Angels; please check Healing reading options and feel free to contact me if you have any question!
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